It's Not What They Said
by The Orgasmic Uke
Summary: Sometimes people need to just slow down and breathe before things get way out of hand. SoraXRoxas. Yes, Sora's seme. Read the warnings.


_**So, I promised you guys a SoraXRoxas story for Christmas. Now, this took longer than expected because I've been having major writer's block. This obviously isn't a Christmas story but, it's the thought that counts, right? I hope you guys enjoy this. I'm sorry I've taken so long. I really am. **_

_**Warning: Contains BoyxBoy. Don't like? Don't read it. Also has a lot of angst in it. Sorry, been in an emo mood lately. Sora is so OOC it may surprise you, but there are reasons. He's still the happy, loving boy we all know but what you are gonna see is Sora at his worst. We all have bad moments, this is Sora's. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or its characters. Cause if I did everyone would be fucking like rabbits. -Smiles- But this story is mine, I wrote it and the idea is mine. The song is also not mine. It belongs to Framing Hanley. **_

_Anything written like this is a flashback. _

* * *

_Like a foggy mirror, where receptions blurred and things could stand to be clearer. Sometimes it's hard to look you in the eye. If I could be the man on your shoulder, A God as you grow older,I'd sleep so much easier tonight. Close your eyes, they'll tell a story, of happy endings. Close your eyes, re-write the story, a new beginning. It's not what they said, and it's not what we read And all the promises they made us, are all shattered on the ground. Your defense, you've done no wrong and live life in innocence, so how could they have looked you in the eye? If I could be the man on your shoulder A God as you grow older. I'd sleep so much easier tonight. Close your eyes, they'll tell a story, of happy endings. Close your eyes, re-write the story, a new beginning. It's not what they said, and it's not what we read And all the promises they made us, Are all shattered on the ground. It's on the ground. And when the cards are down, it's safe to say that all bets are off. It's on the ground. And when the cards are down, well it's time to play, it's hard to say. So bet all call. It's not what they said, and it's not what we read And all the promises they made us, Are all shattered on the ground. It's not what they said, and it's not what we read And all the promises they made us, Are all shattered on the ground. Shattered on the ground, all the cards are down everything they told us has always been so wrong, so wrong, so wrong. So wrong_

* * *

"Fuck…" I mumbled as a loud obnoxious tone pulled me from my slumber. I rubbed my ocean blue eyes with a tan hand before reaching out from under my covers and snatching my phone from its place on my bed stand. I pulled it under the covers and peaked open an eye, the light from my blinking phone hurting it.

I sat up immediately when I saw who was calling and quickly flipped open the phone. "H-Hello?"

"S-Sora?" The voice on the other end of the line was soft, shivering and quiet.

A lump formed in my throat at the voice. "Hey."

"I, um… A-Are you busy?"

I blinked, glancing at the clock. "It's 2:46 in the morning. I was sleeping."

"Oh…"

There was a long pause in which I used to rub a hand over my face, trying to wake up a little more. "What's up, Roxas?"

"Well… Y-You said if I ever needed you…"

My back straightened at the quiet sob that escaped his lips. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"C-Can you just… Can you come get me?"

I threw my covers off and placed my feet on the cold floor. "Where are you?"

"Demyx's…"

My teeth gritted at the name as I stood. "What are you doing there? I thought you were done with all of that."

"I just… Sora can we not talk about this now? Please?" I could hear his teeth chatter as I dressed.

"Fine. But we are going to talk about this." I finished dressing quickly, having only thrown on some pants and a hoodie. "Are you alone?"

"I-I'm outside on the porch."

I slipped my shoes on, gripping the phone tightly. "Roxas, it's snowing outside." I said, glancing out my window. "You shouldn't be outside."

"I don't want to be in there!" He snapped.

I blinked. Something was definitely wrong. "Alright, Alright. I'll be there in ten minutes. Stay there, don't move, okay?"

"O-Okay…"

I flipped my phone shut quickly, grabbing my keys and my wallet. I left my room quickly and ran down the hallway as quietly as I could. I made my way downstairs and was about to leave out the door when a voice stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I froze at the voice, turning to face my brother who was sitting in the living room, the TV flickering. "Um…"

He shook his head, getting to his feet. "Sora, it's almost three. Where the hell are you going this late?"

"Roxas."

His blue eyes widened a bit. "Oh. Fine go. Bring him back here. Don't take him back to that place."

I nodded, giving him a smile and a soft thanks before running out the front door. I ignored the snow falling around me as I ripped open the door of my car and climbed in. The snow was falling pretty heavy but I didn't care at the moment. I started my car and pulled out of the driveway, trying to get to my friend as fast as I could without killing myself.

* * *

Roxas Simi and I used to be best friends when we were little. We met when we were both about three and were glued to each other till high school. A lot of things happened between us that pulled us apart. Mainly though, it was Roxas who pulled away from me. An action that still hurt me to this day.

Growing up was not simple for Roxas. I never knew until recently, but he was abused by his father. I had always asked why he would show up to school with bruises, but he always said he just fell. I assumed he was just clumsy. Which, in truth, he was. He tended to run into things and trip over his own feet. I had always found that cute…

When high school came around, things changed. Roxas started to distance himself from me and I didn't understand why. I began to see my best friend go from being a happy, smiling boy to a hateful and uncaring teenager. He started to talk less, especially to me.

I thought for the longest time that I had done something wrong. I tried to talk to him about it, but he would just push me away. After a while, I became tired of being pushed away and I just left him alone. I fear that was my biggest mistake.

Roxas didn't have many friends to begin with because for his whole life he had been shy. The only reason we became friends was because I shared my lollipop with him when we met. I thought he was cute and I didn't want him to feel lonely. So I became his friend. His best friend. And I loved it. Because I loved him. I still love him. More than I ever should… But that's a topic for later.

_The sun was high in the clear sky. It was a warm day, a perfect day for a trip to the park. I had a small cold, but my mother thought it would be a good idea to take me outside for some fresh air. The park was pretty full and being only three I found it the perfect opportunity to make new friends. _

_My mother gave me a special lollipop that was supposed to help my slightly sore throat before sending me off toward the swings. I grinned, licking my lollipop and ran over to the swings with my mother watching close by. But the swings were full and I didn't feel like waiting. So I wandered over to the slide, but something caught my attention. _

_A small blonde boy was sitting under a tree, playing with a small robot toy. He was alone and I wondered why. I tilted my head, sticking the lollipop in my mouth and ran over to him. His sparkling blue eyes rose to meet mine as I approached him. _

"_Hi!" I grinned at him._

_But he just stared at me before lowering his eyes back to his robot._

_I pouted lightly and got on my knees in front of him. "Friend?" I said to him holding out my hand. He just stared at my hand causing me to pout more. "Sora." I told him around my lollipop._

_His blue eyes met mine again before they found my lollipop. I blinked, taking it out of my mouth and holding it out to him. "Pop."_

_His small hand reached out and took the lollipop from me before popping it in his mouth with a soft smile. "R-Roxas." He said softly, around the lollipop._

_I grinned at him. "Friends!" I giggled out before reaching forward and hugging him tightly. Roxas started to giggle too and it seemed I had found a friend._

When I stopped talking to Roxas he seemed to get worse. He secluded into himself and I rarely saw him anymore. But I was always thinking about him. Because he had been my best friend. One of my only friends other than Riku and Kairi.

No matter what though, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't sure if he noticed, but I made sure he was okay in a physical sense. And if he wasn't, I would say something to him. It was times like that when I saw my best friend again. He would smile softly at me, his pale blue eyes gaining back a little of their sparkle, and he would thank me for caring. So I always made sure to remind him that I did care.

But then it happened sophomore year. Roxas stopped showing up to school. At first, I didn't think anything of it. People get sick, so I assumed Roxas was sick. Then another day went by, and another. Before long, it was a week. I became seriously worried and called his home but no one answered. So I went to his house and there was no one there.

So I did the only other thing I could think of. I asked our principal. He was reluctant to tell me where Roxas was but I eventually got it out of him. I never knew I could run so fast that day. When the words left his lips, I was gone. I didn't care if I got in trouble. I left that school so fast, no one even noticed.

_My breath came out short as I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I busted through the hospital doors, panting, and glancing around wildly. I swallowed hard, running up to the nurses' station. A brunette woman smiled at me softly, looking me over. _

"_Hello, may I help you sir?"_

_I nodded vigorously. "Y-Yes…" I tried to catch my breath as I leaned against the counter._

_She nodded. "Are you looking for someone?"_

_Again I nodded. "Y-Yea… R-Roxas… Simi."_

_She smiled at me and turned to her computer, typing. "Are you family?"_

_I shook my head. "No, but… But he's my best friend! You have to let me see him!" I exclaimed, standing up straight after finally finding my breath._

_She gave me a soft expression, one of pity. "I'm sorry honey, but it's the doctor's orders."_

_I narrowed my eyes at her, tears beginning to fill them. "His family doesn't give a flying fuck about him." I growled out. "Please excuse my language but its true! I bet he's in there all alone!" A few tears leaked from my eyes at her expression. "Please. I'm more family than he has."_

_She sighed softly, glancing around. "Alright. Come this way." She stepped out from behind the counter._

"_Oh, thank you." I smiled at her, following her down the hallway. _

"_You're welcome sweetie. I could get into big trouble for this." she said, smiling at me. "But I feel bad for him and you. He's only had one visitor since he was admitted. And that's not family either." I tilted my head wondering who else would come see him. But I didn't ask as we approached his door. "Here we are." She smiled at me. "Go on in sweetie."_

"_Thank you." I nodded at her before going into the room._

_It was a little dark in the room; the only light was coming from the window. I froze in my spot when I saw Roxas. Atleast, I thought it was him. I couldn't tell. Because his face was so bruised it was hard to tell who it was. His right arm was in a cast as was his right leg. _

"_Shit…" I mumbled before running over to his bedside. "Roxas…" I choked out, falling to my knees beside him. He was hooked up to many machines and his heart beat was slow. What the hell happened to him?_

_My hand found his left one and I held it tightly, his skin cold against mine. "Oh god Roxas…" I sobbed out. "Please… Please be okay… I can't lose you… I just can't!" I closed my eyes tightly, my heart clenching tightly in my chest. "Don't leave me Roxas… I… I love you…" I mumbled softly, the words feeling right and true. "So don't leave me…"_

"_I was wondering if anyone like you would come along."_

_I snapped my head up at the unfamiliar voice. A tall man with brown hair was sitting in a chair on the other side of Roxas' bed. I hadn't even noticed him when I came in. I wiped the tears from my eyes with my free hand and just stared at him._

_His eyes searched mine for a moment before he sighed softly. "I'm Detective Squall. You are?" He asked._

_I swallowed hard, swallowing my pain. "S-Sora Strife. You're a detective? Why are you here? Is Roxas going to be okay?"_

"_I can't tell you why I'm here. But I can tell you, according to the doctor, it's really just touch and go. He hit his head pretty hard."_

"_What happened?"_

"_I can't tell you that either." _

_I could feel my heart breaking in my chest and the overwhelming pain taking over my body. "Please… I know Roxas is clumsy, but he's not capable of doing something like this on his own. Someone did this to him. Who was it?!"_

_Detective Squall sighed softly. "Kid, I can't tell you that. But I can tell you that the person who did this to him will pay for it."_

_I nodded at him, happy for that tiny bit of information. "Okay…"_

"_So, Sora, what are you to Roxas?"_

"_His best friend…"_

_The detective raised an eyebrow. "What took you so long to come then?"_

"_I didn't know he was here! He… We haven't been talking lately… I don't know why…" I shifted my eyes to Roxas' bruised face. "But, I never left him… I got worried when he stopped showing up to school… and then no one was at his house… I finally asked the principal and he told me… About thirty minutes ago."_

"_I see…" He sat up more in his chair. "Sora, I need to ask you a few questions if you wouldn't mind. Not now, but when you feel up to it."_

_I nodded at him. "Okay."_

_He nodded at me. "Thank you."_

_I offered him a smile before turning my attention back to Roxas._

_I stayed by Roxas' bedside for over two weeks. Only leaving for school. The only other people who bothered to visit him were the detective and my brother, who had been my guardian since I was five. Cloud would bring me clothes and things like that and would sometimes stay. Sometimes, Riku and Kairi would come by, but they just came to see me. They didn't know Roxas like I did, so they didn't come to see him._

_One day I was sitting by Roxas's side, reading like I always did. It was after school, around dinner time, and I was alone with Roxas. Detective Squall had left about an hour earlier and Cloud wasn't due to show for a few more hours to come pick me up. _

_I was sitting on Roxas's left side, grasping his hand like always while my other hand held my book. My eyes were getting tired of reading and I had to use the bathroom, so I closed my book and placed it on the table beside Roxas' bed. I let go of Roxas' hand and moved to stand but suddenly I felt his fingers wrap around my hand tightly. I gasped in surprise and snapped my head at him. His eyes were still closed but his hand was holding mine tightly. It was the first time he had really reacted._

_I smiled at him and sat back down, grasping his hand tightly. "Roxas, hey." I said softly. I always talked to him and hoped he could hear me. "It's me… Are you ready to wake up now? I want to see those beautiful eyes of yours again." I bit my lip, smiling. I always told him I loved him, because I knew he couldn't hear me._

_And then it happened. His eyes squeezed tightly and my heart started to pound in my chest. "R-Roxas?" I whispered softly, standing up and moving to lean over him. "Hey." I reached out and stroked his cheek softly. _

_Roxas moaned softly, opening up one foggy blue eye slowly. The bruises on his face had disappeared, so he looked like himself again. He glanced around a bit before opening his other eye and both landed on me. _

"…_S… So…ra?" His voice was cracked and barely audible. _

"_Hey." I smiled at him, tears coming to my eyes. "It's about time you woke up. I was really getting worried."_

"_W… Where… am… I?"_

"_The hospital." I told him softly, brushing his bangs out of his face. "You're gonna be okay Roxas. I'm here, okay? I'll always be here for you. No matter what."_

_The corners of his lips quirked up and he smiled softly. "Sora…" He squeezed my hand as tightly as he could which wasn't tight at all. But I still felt it. He was warm for once, as was I. My heart finally started beating again. I was so happy, I couldn't contain it. Tears began to fall from my eyes as I leaned forward, resting my head against his shoulder._

"_I'm so happy you're okay…" He squeezed my hand a little tighter and I knew everything was going to be okay._

The following weeks, I still stayed by Roxas' side and he finally told me what had happened. When he first woke up, he couldn't remember but after some time, it all came back to him. His father had been abusing him physically and sexually for as long as he could remember. Apparently, Roxas finally started fighting back and that's how he ended up in the hospital. I didn't ask more. I didn't want to know more.

His father was put in jail and Roxas' mother, who had never been in his life, came and took him home. She was obviously unfit and I begged Cloud to do something about it. A battle began. A serious battle. A battle that Cloud should have won.

Roxas' mother was a crack head. Oh, wait, she _used_ to be a crack head, or so she said. She convinced the judge that she had changed and wanted to be a good mother. I didn't trust her, but Roxas did. So, I didn't fight it when the judge gave her custody.

For a while, everything was fine. Roxas and I were talking more and I was happier than I had been in a while. But then, he met Axel in the beginning of our junior year.

History began to repeat itself. Roxas distanced himself from me and drew closer to Axel. I couldn't stand it at first. I didn't understand what that redhead had that I didn't. I was a better friend to Roxas than anyone could have ever been.

Rumors began to fly that Axel and Roxas were dating. Rumors I ignored for the longest time. I refused to believe them to be true. Because Roxas was not gay. If he was, he would have been mine. I would have made it so. But I didn't want to make him into something he wasn't. So I never admitted my feelings.

But then one day, I saw them together.

_I ran a hand through my messy brown hair as I shuffled down the walkway. People passed me as I walked by, but I didn't pay them any mind just like they didn't pay me any mind. I sighed softly, shoving my hands in my pockets. _

_It was Saturday and I spent all day with Riku and Kairi at the mall. They were waiting in some store while I went to the bathroom. The bathroom was in a long hallway, separate from the rest of the mall. So when I turned down the hallway, I wasn't surprised to see it empty._

_A yawn escaped my lips as I shuffled down the hallway. But I froze when I turned the corner where the door to the bathroom was. There, pressed against the wall by a tall redhead was Roxas. His arms wrapped tightly around the redhead's neck while the redhead's tongue was shoved down his throat. _

_A mix of emotions ran through my body. Sure, I had heard the rumors, but I just refused to believe them. I didn't think that Roxas was really like that. And if he was, why Axel? Why not me? I didn't understand it! Anger, sadness, pain, everything rolled into one and I just wasn't used to it. _

_Then Roxas opened his eyes and they shifted to me. They widened and a dark blush crossed his features. He squeaked softly and pushed Axel away. The redhead blinked at him before looking over at me. A smirk crossed his features and I wanted to slap it off his face. _

_But I didn't. I just glared at Axel for a moment before glancing at Roxas then turned on my heel and walked away. I heard Roxas call my name, but I didn't turn back around and he didn't chase after me. I was too angry and hurt to trust myself. _

I knew I loved Roxas. But I never knew how strong it was. Not until the blonde was taken from me completely. I poured my heart out to Riku after that and he seemed to understand how I felt. For he felt that way for Kairi even though she had a boyfriend. We found comfort and solace in each other. One thing led to another, and he ended up taking me then. Something I, to this day, regret. Our friendship stayed unaffected, however, for which I was grateful.

After that, Roxas and I never spoke. He became someone I didn't know anymore. Axel pulled him into a world of drugs and sex that I couldn't reach. But I told Roxas that if he ever needed me, I would be there. I would wait for him to come back to me if he ever did. I prayed that he would.

* * *

When I pulled up to Demyx's house, I saw a bundle of black sitting on the porch next to a tall blonde who was leaning against a pillar. He looked up when I slammed my car door shut and quickly got to his feet. I ran across the lawn, the snow crunching under my feet, glaring at the person leaning against the porch pillar. Roxas face lit up when I reach them and I nearly lost my balance when he lunged at me, hugging me tightly.

"R-Roxas." I said in surprise, wrapping my arms around his shivering body.

"T-Thank you… F-For c-coming." He stuttered out, rubbing his face against my chest.

"Let's get you in the car." I said, turning with him to go back to my running car.

"Ah, Sora! Wait!" A cheery voice said.

I growled and turned back to the porch where Demyx was standing. "What?"

Demyx blinked at me. "Jeez, chill out will you."

"What did you do to him?" I asked, tightening my arms around the blonde.

The other blonde raised an eyebrow, raising his hands in defense. "Hey, I didn't do a thing. I came out here to make sure he was okay."

"What happened?"

"We-"

"Dem!" Roxas snapped at him, glaring at him.

The blonde sighed softly, shaking his head. "Look, don't blame me Sora. You scare me sometimes, you know? I didn't do anything."

I narrowed my eyes at him but glanced at Roxas when he buried his head in my chest. "He's telling the truth Sora. He was comforting me."

I nodded, offering Demyx a soft smile. "Sorry."

He shrugged. "I'm used to it. You're so protective of him." He laughed softly his green eyes glistening. "Even though it's not your job."

"Well, the person whose job it is is damn lousy at it." I hissed out.

Demyx winced, as did Roxas. "Yea… You um… You two have a lot to talk about."

I raised an eyebrow at Demyx before grasping Roxas's shoulders gently and pulling him back to look into his eyes. "Get in the car okay. The heat's turned up, so get warm, okay?"

Roxas nodded and pulled away from me, turning to walk to the car. He waved at Demyx before walking away. I watched him until he got inside the car before I turned back to Demyx. The tall blonde blinked at me as I stepped up toward him.

"Axel did this, didn't he? I haven't seen Roxas this upset in a long time."

"Upset? He seems alright to me."

"You don't know him like I do. He never calls me."

Demyx nodded. "Okay, that's true. This is a first. But you know, maybe it's a good thing." He said with a wink.

I just glared at him. "Where's Axel?"

"No, Sora. You're not going to kill my best friend."

"He hurt mine."

"I know, I know." Demyx ran a hand through his oddly cut dull blonde hair. "Just, talk to Roxas okay? Let him tell you what happened exactly. After that, you can come kill Axel if you want. But you'll have to go through me first." His green eyes glared into mine and it was a look that didn't suit him.

I shook my head. "Demyx, I would never fight you."

"I know." He grinned at me, going back to his normal chipper self.

I sighed, smiling at him softly, unable to be mad at him. "Thanks Demyx. For always taking care of Roxas."

"Ah, don't mention it. And call me 'Dem', kay?"

"Yea, yea." He waved at me as I walked down the steps.

"Call and let me know how Blondie's doing, alright?"

"Will do." I waved back to him as I walked toward the car. I got inside and saw Roxas curled up in the front seat, the heat on full blast. He tilted his head at me with questioning blue eyes. "Just had to show my gratitude." I smiled at him, putting on my seat belt and shifting into reverse.

"Gratitude? For what?" He asked with his voice soft yet scratchy from crying.

"For watching out for you when I can't." I began to back out of the snow covered driveway.

"What?! He told you?!" He exclaimed, sitting up in his seat.

I just blinked at him. "No… But you will."

Roxas relaxed a bit, nodding and slinking down in his seat. "Yea…"

The ride back to my house was quiet. I let Roxas stay to himself for I knew we had a lot to talk about and the ride was short. By the time we pulled into my driveway, the snow had stopped falling. We both climbed out of my car and Roxas shuffled behind me up to the front door.

The door opened before I could grab it and Cloud stood there, looking over my shoulder at Roxas. He looked the blonde over before sighing softly and moving to let us in. He shut the door behind us and watched over us as we removed out coats and shoes.

"I tried calling your mother." Cloud said softly, catching Roxas' attention. "She didn't answer. You're welcome to stay here as long as you want."

"Thank you." Roxas said softly, giving Cloud a tiny smile.

My blonde brother nodded, glancing at me before leaving up the stairs. I knew that glance. It meant that I was to tell him everything that happened after I found out.

"Come on." I told Roxas, heading up the stairs. I heard him follow and led him to my room. I shut the door behind him, then went over and sat down on my bed. Roxas just stood in front of my door for a moment and I took that time to look him over in the light of my room.

His usually spiky blonde hair was flat, caressing his face. His usually bright blue eyes were dull and bloodshot. The dark eyeliner around eyes was smudged down his cheeks that were puffy and red with a light blush on them. He looked thin compared to when I last saw him. We were seniors now and we talked atleast once a day. Not about much, just how he was doing. He was opening up to me more and more again and I was starting to feel that I was getting my friend back.

"Come." I smiled at him, patting the spot beside me on the bed.

Roxas bit his lip, nodding and walked over to me. He sat down beside me softly and just stared at the floor. I let a few quiet moments pass before I opened my mouth to speak.

"We broke up." Roxas said before I could say a thing.

I blinked, confused for a moment. "Oh… What happened?" I asked softly.

"We've been fighting for the past few weeks. He's such a flirt and…" He shook his head. "I thought he was cheating on me… I could just tell." He bent over a bit, his body beginning to shake. "He got so angry at me… That I accused him of it… All we did was fight about it…"

I bit my lip, wrapping my arms around him tightly and bringing him to my chest. He buried his head into my chest and I could feel wetness seeping through it as he began to cry.

"He never denied cheating on me…" He said softly. "And it was driving me crazy… Tonight was Zexion's birthday party… The only reason I went, Sora." He sniffed pulling back and looking up into my eyes. "Believe me; I don't do that stuff anymore." His tear-filled eyes caused my heart to clench tightly.

"I know Roxas, I know."

His eyes brightened just a bit before they dulled again and he shifted, resting his head on my shoulder. "Axel and I didn't technically break up before the party… but we weren't talking… Saix drove me to the party… I didn't want to go, because I knew Axel would be there but… Zexion's my friend too… And it was his 18th birthday…" He paused for a moment and I took that time to pull him a little closer.

Roxas nuzzled into my neck causing my heart rate to increase. I mentally cursed my body. This was not the time to take advantage of him. I would never take advantage of him.

"Everything was fine for a while… Until I saw Axel…" He sniffed, his fists clenching my shirt tightly. "He was with someone else… I've never seen him before, but he looked a lot like me. Blonde hair, blue eyes, short…" His body began to shake as he spoke. "They were practically fucking in the corner…"

Anger flooded my body but I fought against it, holding him tighter as he sobbed on my shoulder. "He's such an idiot…" I mumbled nuzzling against Roxas' hair.

"I-I didn't know what to do!" He whimpered. "I was so upset and angry… And w-when he noticed me… He just smirked at me. I don't… I don't understand why… he did this."

"Because he's an ass…" I growled out, not meaning to.

Roxas shook his head against my shoulder. "You don't know him like I do… He's really sweet when he wants to be…"

I bit my bottom lip hard. "If you say so."

"Dem… He helped me… Cause when he saw Axel he freaked out." He sniffed, calming down a bit. "He grabbed Axel and pulled him away… I went after them and listened in… Dem was really mad at him and it takes a lot to get Dem that upset. And Axel's his best friend… he went on about me and about how it hurt me to see Axel with someone else already… I spoke up cause… well, I can defend myself. I told Dem that we hadn't broken up, not technically and I've never seen Dem snap like that. For a while, Axel just took it… I guess he was used to Dem angry but I wasn't… But… I guess Dem had to say something Axel didn't like… Something about me being innocent or something… and Axel started to defend himself."

Roxas swallowed hard and pulled back so I could see his face. His eyes were lowered and I could see the tear tracks on his flushed face. I raised my hand and cupped his pale cheek, brushing away a few stray tears. His cheeks flushed darker and his blue eyes flashed up to mine.

"He accused me of sleeping with you."

I froze, my hand lingering against his cheek. "H-He what?"

"My reaction exactly." He eyes narrowed slightly. "I mean, okay, I'm not the best person in the world. But I'm not a cheater." He pulled away from me and stood up. "How could he accuse me of sleeping with you? We barely talk as it is!" He threw his hands up into the air. "Of all people, why you?" He growled softly, starting to pace. "He said something about getting back at you… like that Ven guy? The blonde he was with? Has some connection to you. Like that he said I slept with you."

I blinked at the mention of Ven. Roxas continued to pace and ramble but I stopped listening. Axel was with Ven. Of all people. How did he even know about me and Ven? And what did Ven tell him?! A fucking lie! I gritted my teeth in anger.

"Sora? Sora!"

I snapped out of it at Roxas' voice. He had stopped pacing and was staring at me with his head tilted to the side cutely. "You're shaking. Are you okay?"

I swallowed hard and nodded, trying to calm down. "Yea. I just… Ven? Axel was with Ven?"

Roxas blinked, staring at me for a while. "Yes… You mean you actually know him?"

"Well yea, but I didn't tell him you slept with me!" I told him, getting to my feet. "Maybe he's trying to get back at me, I don't know. But I'm sorry you got hurt because of this. I really am." My voice softened as it began to dawn on me that Roxas' pain was caused by me.

Their fight was something I had nothing to do with. But what happened earlier that night was my fault. Somehow Ven knew Axel, and he knew how I felt about Roxas. Because I left him, I supposed he decided to use the info he had on me, against me. By hurting Roxas, he knew he would hurt me.

I met Ven a few months ago. I was desperate for some form of attention and Ven reminded me so much of Roxas, I couldn't help myself. We had a strictly sexual relationship for about two months. Ven knew about Roxas and about how I felt about him. And he was okay with it. Or so I thought.

Ven soon became jealous and I couldn't handle it. So I broke it off, not thinking about how he would react. Apparently, he reacted badly. It was a few weeks ago that Ven and I broke up. So either he found Axel or knew him already, but either way, he took his anger out on Roxas.

"How do you know Ven?" Roxas asked softly.

I sighed, running a hand through my brown hair. "We… were friends."

"Just friends?"

I bit my lip, cursing my feelings. I could never lie to Roxas. "We… had a relationship."

"What kind of relationship?"

I sighed. "Shit, Roxas, what do you care?"

The blonde just stared at me for a moment. "What do I care?" He hissed, his eyes narrowing at me. "He ruined my relationship!" He snapped. "Your fuck buddy ruined my relationship!"

"It's not like there was much to ruin!" I snapped back, losing my temper.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He hissed, giving me a glare that had never been aimed at me.

"It means that Axel is not right for you. He never was! He turned you into someone you're not!"

"How do you know who I am?!"

"I've known you since we were three, Roxas! I know you better than anyone!"

"No you don't!" He stomped his foot which, if I wasn't so angry, I would have laughed at. "You may have known me back then, but you don't know a thing about me anymore!"

"That's not my fault! You pushed away from _**me**_, Roxas! I tried everything I could think of to be your friend! But you didn't give a shit! You were too lost in your own self pity to notice how much I fucking cared!"

"It doesn't matter anymore!" He was starting to break. "Because of you, the only person that cared about me hates me now!"

"Only person? Only person?! Are you not listening to what I'm saying Roxas?!" My fists clenched tightly at my sides.

"You don't care about me the way he did! He loved me!"

"And I don't? Why the hell do you think I stuck by this whole time?! If I didn't love you I would have given up long ago!"

Roxas fell silent and the only sound was our heavy breaths. It gave me time to calm down and actually realize what I had said. Out of anger, I confessed my love to Roxas. Not the way I had planned. Especially since he just had his heart broken.

"You love me?" He asked softly, his blue eyes pouring into mine.

"Yes, okay? I love you. I've always loved you. But that doesn't matter now, does it?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Listen, I'm sorry for what Ven did. I am. It's my fault for what happened but still. Axel is a fucking idiot. He should have talked to you about it first before going off on his own like that. That wasn't fair to you." Roxas opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"You've had a rough night. So, take my bed okay? Rest up." I moved to walk past him. "Goodnight Roxas." I said softly, reaching for the door.

"No!" He grabbed my arm, stopping me from leaving. "D-Don't leave me… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got angry. I'm just… upset. So please… don't leave me." His voice was so desperate I couldn't be mad at him.

"Okay." I told him softly, turning back to him. My heart almost stopped at the look in his eyes.

"S-Sora… I think we should… talk. Without getting mad at each other… not holding anything back…"

I nodded in agreement. "Okay. Come on." I shifted, grabbing his hand and pulled him back over to my bed. I sat him down then sat down beside him. "Let's talk." We were both quiet for a while, unwilling to speak first. "Um, well… who should start?"

Roxas swallowed hard. "Um… We should… take turns I guess… I'll um… go first." He bit his lower lip, grasping his hands together in his lap. He shifted, scooting back and folding his legs under him. "I don't really know where to start." He hung his head a bit. "Can I… ask you something first?"

"Sure."

"Ven… Who… is or was he to you?"

I took a deep breath. "Right… Ven… how do I explain him?" I shook my head, releasing the breath. "Ven and I… Yea, okay, you were right, we were fuck buddies. For a few months. But, it just… wasn't right for me. There was no love, you know? Atleast from me… and when I saw the way Ven was falling for me I… I had to break it off…"

Roxas smiled softly. "Yea, you're easy to fall for Sora."

I chuckled softly. "Right. Well, still. I'm sorry for what he did. I should have known better."

He nodded. "Yea, but why did he tell Axel I slept with you?"

"Because… He knew how I felt about you. I was upfront about it from the start. I couldn't lie to him…"

"'Cause you're not a liar Sora. You never were."

My lips quirked into a small smile. "Yea well… it was my mistake. Ven was a mistake."

"So was Axel…"

I lifted my head and looked at him with slightly wide eyes. "What?"

"Axel. Was a mistake."

"I thought you loved him."

"I thought I did too. I was just in love with the idea of having someone like him. Someone to love me and take care of me. But he never understood me. He tried, but he just couldn't. It still hurt me to see him with someone else, because I do care about him. I don't blame you in anyway Sora, and I'm sorry I got to upset about it."

I nodded, taking in what he said. "Okay."

"Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt?"

"Because, I knew I had no chance. I figured… after your father… you wouldn't want a man near you like that ever."

Roxas nodded. "Yes, well so did I. But… Axel was a replacement… for what I couldn't have. I guess like Ven was to you."

"A replacement? For what?"

Roxas bit his lower lip, his blue eyes staring at me from the corner of his eyes. "You."

My heart skipped a beat at the softly spoken word. "M-Me?"

"Yes…"

"You… wait." I shook my head. "You… love me?"

He nodded, shifting his eyes back to his hands. "Since before I knew what love was… You were always there Sora… No matter what happened, you didn't give up on me… I couldn't understand how I felt until we got older and…" His shoulders started to shake. "And when I realized how I felt… I… pulled away from you… Because, I was afraid you would hate me."

I reached out to him, placing my hand on his head. "Roxas, how could you think I would ever hate you?"

"That's what he told me! He said that you would think I was disgusting that…" He shook his head. "I didn't know any better…"

"You… told… that bastard about me?"

"I started fighting… and it slipped out…"

I smiled softly at Roxas, slipping my hand down to his neck where I rubbed it gently. "It makes sense now… why you pushed away."

"You never gave up though…" He tilted his head a bit to look at me. "I may have pretended to not notice but… I did."

I smiled at him. "After the hospital… When you met Axel, why did you distance yourself then?"

His eyes faded a bit. "Well… Right from the start Axel was pretty forward with what he wanted and… I wanted it too. I couldn't have you so…" He trailed off but I knew what he was trying to say. "I didn't know how you felt about that stuff… Being gay and everything… So, I didn't want you to find out about me and Axel… But you did anyway…"

"Oh yea…" I scratched my cheek at the memory. "I was seriously close to kicking Axel's ass."

Roxas blinked, looking at me. "Why?"

"'Cause he looked too smug. And it pissed me off to see you with someone else. I couldn't understand why you chose him and not me."

"So… you were angry because… I was with Axel and not you? Not because… you were… disgusted?" He asked in awe.

I shook my head. "I wasn't disgusted. I was jealous."

Roxas smiled softly. "Oh…"

I chuckled softly, squeezing the back of his neck. "Looks like we should have had this talk a long time ago."

The blonde nodded, smiling at me. "Yea seems that way."

We stared at each other a while before Roxas's cheeks flushed and he looked away. It was so damn cute. He was so cute. I'd always thought so. My heart was pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure what to do. We had just confessed feelings to each other that we had for a long time. Feelings that were the same.

Roxas was here with me. Alone. He loved me. He loved me like I loved him. He had for a while now and I had no clue. How was I supposed to know? It didn't matter. I knew now…

Without thinking much about it, I reached up and cupped his cheek, tilting his head so he would look at me. I searched those beautiful blue eyes that were smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile. I was looking into the eyes I fell in love with.

A lot had changed between Roxas and I. Things that would take a while to get used to. But no matter what, we were still the same boys we were when we first met. And that proof was in his eyes. Eyes that I was finally truly seeing for the first time in such a very long time.

But I was conflicted. Now I had my chance. I could kiss Roxas now and have him all to myself. But would he hate me? That would be taking advantage of him, would it not? I would not do that. I couldn't. So much was happening at once, I just couldn't handle it.

Roxas leaned forward, catching me off guard and pressed his soft chapped lips against my cheek. I felt my face warm as he pulled back smiling at me. "Let's sleep."

I nodded, not willing to argue with him. There was still so much to talk about but I could tell he was tired. I smiled at him and got to my feet, pulling my shirt off. Roxas flushed red, looking away as he pulled his hoodie off. We undressed to our boxers, both blushing and slightly embarrassed. Sure, we had seen each other naked before. But we were very young then.

Roxas crawled under the covers of my twin sized bed as I turned the light off. I went back to my bed and crawled under the covers as well with him. We hadn't shared a bed since we were ten so it was a little awkward. I wrapped my arms around his small pale body tightly and brought him to my chest.

Roxas sighed softly, nuzzling into my chest and wrapping an arm around my waist. He nuzzled his head under my chin and I rested my chin on his head. His scent filled my senses and I was a little taken back. He smelt like strawberries, just like when we were little. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until that moment.

I smiled, holding him tightly just happy to have my best friend back.

* * *

When I came back from dreamland, I felt cold. It was a feeling I really didn't like because I knew I shouldn't have felt cold. I should have felt warm because Roxas fell asleep with me. So I peeked an eye open, glancing around. It was light outside I could tell that much. I reached around, feeling for Roxas but found no one. I sat up quickly, looking around my room. His clothes were gone.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath quickly getting out of bed and running out of my room. I considered he could be in the bathroom so I checked but no one was there. I ran downstairs, hoping to find him but I only found Cloud sitting at the table reading the newspaper. "Roxas." I said, gaining Cloud's attention. "Where is he?"

"He went home."

"What? Why?! You let him?!"

"Calm down, Sora." Cloud told me softly, shifting his eyes back to the paper. "I heard you two last night. First fight I think you two have ever had."

"Why did you let him leave?!" I hissed at him.

"I have no right to make him stay."

I calmed down a bit, knowing Cloud was right. I sighed, running a hand through my hair before pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table. "Why did he leave…?" I asked, not really expecting to get an answer.

Cloud watched me for a moment before getting to his feet. "Did you two make up? He seemed pretty happy when he left." He said to me while moving around the kitchen.

I kept my eyes on my clenched fists on the table, paying him no mind. "You could say we made up… But we still have so much to talk about. I don't understand why he left."

"He mentioned something about making sure his mom was okay."

I blinked before nodding. That made sense. Roxas cared about his mother even though she barely gave a shit about him. And since she didn't answer her phone the night before, it was only natural to worry. I looked up when Cloud placed a coffee cup in front of me.

"He said he'd call you. So don't worry, okay?"

I nodded at him, grasping the cup and taking a sip of the hot liquid. "Thanks."

Cloud smiled softly at me before sitting back down. "Are you going to tell me what happened between you two last night?"

"I told him I love him…" I glanced up carefully to gage Cloud's reaction.

He only blinked at me. "Finally gained the courage, hm?"

"You knew?"

"Sora, I've raised you since you were five. I know you." I nodded, lowering my gaze to my coffee cup. "What did he say?"

"That he loves me too."

Cloud was quiet for a few moments. "Then what's the problem?"

I raised my blue eyes to Cloud's. "The problem is… we've both changed. We love each other, but we don't know each other as well as we used to. Besides, his boyfriend cheated on him last night. So he just came out of a relationship. There are a lot of other factors in the way, you know? It takes more than love… We've hurt each other more than once… We need to learn to trust one another again."

"Love is never easy, Sora. You know that. You've been in love with the same boy for a long time. Almost three years. Maybe longer than that." Cloud said, gaining my attention. "But I honestly don't see a problem. Yes, he just came out of a relationship. But it's not like he loved the guy. He loves you. He always has. You both may have hurt each other but that's life. You can't love without first feeling pain. He trusts you, you trust him. No matter what has happened between you two, you are still the same kids that met years ago. Never doubt how you feel. You have him now, Sora. You have your chance. Don't let it slip away."

I stared at Cloud, surprised by his words. I couldn't find any words to say so I only nodded at him, letting his words sink in. They made more sense than anything he had ever said to me before. He was right. Now was my chance. I could still take things slow, but I had to let Roxas know that I was never going anywhere.

* * *

The wind was blowing slightly, making it colder than it would have been. I hugged myself a little tighter as I made my way down the sidewalk. There was about four inches of snow on the ground, but the sky was clear and the sun was shining. I loved the snow, I always did. But I had a mission today and I wouldn't be preoccupied by the snow.

I approached the house I was heading to and walked up the walkway. I looked up at the two story house, my heart pounding in my chest. I stepped up to the door, praying that Roxas' mother wouldn't answer the door because she hated me.

About forty minutes before, Roxas had finally called me and we agreed to meet up. I told him I'd come pick him up at his house and since it was only a ten minute walk away, I didn't drive. I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. After a few minutes, no one came to the door. So I rang it again before knocking.

"Sora?" I blinked stepping back at the voice and looking around. "Sora? Is that you?" I stepped off the porch and looked up at the house. Roxas was smiling at me as he leaned out his window on the second floor. "Hey!"

"Hey." I waved up at him. "You ready?"

"Yea, I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." He grinned at me before closing his window and disappearing.

I pressed my lips together and turned around, shoving my hands in my pockets as I waited for him. I had decided that I was going to tell Roxas exactly how I felt and let him know that there was no rush. I turned around when I heard the front door of his house slam shut.

Roxas came bouncing down the stairs, smiling at me and I smiled back at him, brightening up just by seeing him. He looked so happy. More than I had seen him in a long time. His eyes were so bright as he walked up to me.

"Hi." He said softly, his cheeks flushing.

"Hey." I held my hand out to him. "Wanna walk?"

He nodded, grasping my hand in his own. Warmth filled my body as my heart began to pound faster. "Let's walk."

I smiled at him, linking my fingers with his as we started to walk down the sidewalk. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good." He told me. "I haven't felt this good in a while. Got a lot off my chest last night, you know?"

I nodded at him. "Yea, we both did."

"You know Sora… I feel like an idiot."

I tilted my head at him. "Why's that?"

"Cause… It's been… three years? Almost four since we've talked like this. And it's all because I was too terrified to tell you how I felt."

"It's not all your fault. I was pretty stupid too. But, the past doesn't matter Roxas. We've made up, right?"

"Of course. But there's still a lot we need to talk about."

"Yes, but that can wait, can't it? I finally have you back." I squeezed his hand tightly.

He returned my squeeze and smiled at me. "Right."

"I love you, Roxas." I lifted his hand that I was holding and pressed my lips to the back of it. "So there's no rush. We can take our time and get to know each other all over again."

Roxas' face flushed and he nodded, licking his lips. "I-I love you too."

I smiled at him, stopping and leaning forward to press my lips against his gently. "I've always wanted to hear you say that."

Roxas swallowed hard before slipping his arms around my neck and pulling me closer. "I've always wanted to say that to you." He whispered before pressing his lip back to mine.

My arms slipped around his waist, pulling him against me as we kissed softly. My heart was going crazy in my chest, as was pretty much everything else going on in my body. I was getting what I had always dreamed about.

I could feel that things were changing. That Roxas and I would be okay and we would be the people we used to be. Happy and life loving. There was still a lot for us to face together, things that might be hard. But, we made it this far and still stuck together somehow. So, no matter what, Roxas and I both knew neither of us would give up on the other. It was a warm sensation when I thought about it. A sensation that I was sure would never fade away. Just like our feelings for one another.

* * *

Okay, that sucked. Seriously. I'm sorry… But I wrote this in the course of two days and I just wanted to finish it before I went back home. I feel it's lacking… I'm not sure what it's lacking exactly… but it's lacking. I hope you enjoyed it a little bit atleast.

I had to just write something and this idea came to me a while ago. I started writing it last month but lost it. It just disappeared from my computer. So starting over is not something I like to do because the second try will never be as good as the original. So in that sense, I suppose it is lacking.

Please review and please be kind…

Thank you for atleast giving it a chance, even if you didn't like it.

I'd also like to thank my Beta, Andy. For without you, my darling, this story would suck even worse.

+Matt+


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